When you are young, you look forward all the time. The future stretches out before you like a conveyor belt delivering yet more life, more experiences more hope, such ambition!
Of course, when you are older and I think you know what I am going to say now, you begin to look back more on things, reflecting on all those memories, perhaps some regrets. You will have many memories to share, some good some bad. You will feel like a warrior that has come through a battle and survived. You may feel a sense of achievement, not necessarily because you succeeded financially, but more that you came through all those experiences and hard times and gained something.
Personally, getting older is not the the same as getting to thirty and beginning to panic. Yes you will go through all that and when you get to twice that age, you will look back and smile. Of course there is no stopping the onslaught of time. Yes time that old enemy that lurks at every corner. Time that does not let up. Time that catches you unaware when you let your guard down. "How long has it been?" we often say when we realise just how fast time has floated by and caught us unaware.
Yes time will shadow and harass you but it's something you come to accept. It's like some sort of time travel itself. It just seems to get faster and faster but not for everyone else. You try to offset this by promising to make up for lost time by doing more things. Trouble is there isn't enough time to do all those things remember?
When I was younger, I could not sit very long before I had to be up and doing something. I could do so many things in one day it would seem. But now, I can sit in a chair and just think about all the things I am going to do. In fact I can now "sit for Britain" as though it is some sort of perverse competition. And yet, you just seem to accept it gracefully with an increasing sense of contentment.
Not what you would expect at all.
There was a time when I would look at older people and think that they must be incredibly frustrated at not being able to do the things that they want. Just sat there all the time. It's not that you wanted that to happen, but it is true that all you now want to do, is sit more and more yet at the same time wish you were younger and be able to do all those things. And as the saying goes " the mind is willing, but the flesh is weak."
You begin to realize that you are turning into your own parents. I can remember my dad always making a big issue over looking for his glasses and I would always be scornful. Now I am doing the same thing but accept it with an ironic smile. You know it's strange but they don't call them the golden years for nothing because you become more accepting of your old enemy - time.
If you want to know how just how I filled my time over my life then you can read my book, Running For Home
