Most Comical Moment - Top Autobiographies

Locked in a cabin

On my second merchant ship, the Orita in 1970 I was just a young deck boy. The First Officer was obviously gay and was forever trying to get me into his cabin. I had avoided this for months but the rest of the crew intent on a good laugh, had other idea's.

One day they grabbed hold of me and bungled me into the First Officers cabin. I knew I was in trouble and was terrified. My mind was racing as I frantically tried to figure a way out of the tight spot I was in.

In the meantime, I sat on his bunk as he asked me if I would like a drink. It was then that a cunning plan flashed into my mind and as he was distracted pouring the drink, I leaped up and in a flash I was out through the open port hole and out onto the passageway that ran alongside. I can still hear him swearing.

Of course I was young and slim and I had previously practiced this acrobatic trick before and this is how I lived to tell the story!

Metal Fatigue - Top Autobiographies

Metal Fatigue!

When HMS Lowestoft had berthed in Rosyth Dockyard in 1975 the morale of the ship's company was low. We'd just finished a tour of several countries such as Thailand, Singapore and Brazil. All this seemed a distant memory in the dismal weather of the British Isles.

This is a similar Wasp

 

On families day several weeks before, the ships helicopter, of which I was the aircrew man, had dropped a live depth charge into the sea to impress the hoards of onlookers as the ship sailed slowly through the sea just off the South Coast and Portsmouth. The pilot had miscalculated the distance between the depth charge entering the sea and the actual ship. The resulting explosion was impressive but was to have some interesting consequences. Most of the admiring families were soaked by the massive fountain of water that engulfed the ship including my future wife.

Damage had undoubtedly been done to the ship but this was erroneously attributed to sabotage. It was decided by the authorities, to fly in three detectives to the ship whilst in Rosyth Dockyard using the ships helicopter call-sign 451. On return, the helicopter was folded up and slid into the hangar, the detectives scurrying below.

It was my job as aircrew man to inspect the tail rotor after each flight. I had been careless in this regard in the past but since three detectives were on board it was just the impetus I needed to carry out the task. I can still remember clearly the dim lights in the now deserted hangar, the smell of fuel and the residual heat still coming off the engine as I made my inspection. All seemed in order as it always was and I was about to turn away when I noticed something. It was like a thin watermark that ran most of the way round the tail cone. At first I could not believe what I was seeing but there was no doubt that it was a classic case of metal fatigue.

Raising the alarm it was not long before most of the flight crew were in the hangar and I was given more commendation than I'd ever had before in my career. It was a strange feeling though since I knew that potentially, I had not only saved my own life but that of the pilot and the three detectives on the very next flight.

Become an Author - Top Autobiographies

Why not become an Author?

Ever thought of becoming an author? I never thought that I could do it myself. I've even surprised myself by writing my autobiography.

I began writing in a depressed state but soon after that I found that actually getting it all down on paper (computer), I found that I began to find it therapeutic. This was an unexpected bonus and was to change my life.

I can't say that my book is anything special in a technical sense but it's more about the experiences that I had and wanted to share. Indeed, some people appreciate this.

If you feel that you have experiences that others would like to read about, then have a go at it yourself. You might be surprised at how well you take to it. I never thought that I had the ability to write a book, not that it's a masterpiece of course but that's not the point.

At the very least, you will leave a lasting legacy for friends and family and have a lot of fun on the way.

Scariest moment of my life - Helicopter crash landing

What's the scariest moment of your life? What's mine - well let's think. To be honest I have a few but here's one. I was in a helicopter as aircrew in the Royal Navy and doing some exercises called auto rotation. This is where you practice engine failure.

We'd done a few of these descents but on the last one the engine failed for real. The ground rushed up to meet us and boy was I scared. With no more height left to recover we just fell toward the ground but just as I thought we were going to die, the stupid engine decides that it was also scared and it kicks back in just in time to scrub off some of the speed we were heading for the ground. Bang we hit the ground, the suspension bottoms out, the engine and rotors scream, the cows in the field produce more than the usual cow pats and we bounce back into the air and just manage to stay airborne.

I think that was my luckiest escape but I have a few more. If you are interested, watch this space. For an immediate fix just have a look at my book. It's all in there, all the sordid details of my farcical and sometimes dangerous life Running For Home a top autobiography, have a free review of the first few chapters you will be surprised at how much of this book you can actually read for free.

Fifty Shades of Grey - Is it really what you want? Top Autobiographies

Fifty Shades of Grey - Is it really what you want?

If you have read the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy, did you really enjoy it. Was it what you expected and how did it make you feel? I admit that I have not read any of these books so I can't comment on their content, the way they were written or how well they were written.

What makes a successful book? Is it attractive because its main theme is all about sex? Is this what it's all about, is this what makes it so attractive? Could it be that you wish that your life could be more like the characters within these sort of books and that you can live in a fantasy world and this will compensate for some sort of lack in your own?

Life rarely measures up to expectations and this is a fact. Is it possible for these sorts of books to enhance your life or have you realized
that reading this sort of book only makes things worse and leaves you with a feeling of emptiness? There are so many questions to answer that it might seem bewildering to you.

When I began to write my book I did so out of a sense of bitterness,  a longing to tell someone about my life and the way it went; about all the perceived failure that I had endured. I wanted to get it all off my chest as it were. As I progressed through the book though, I began to realize that I had something to share with others and that I could find a form of therapy in writing down all the things that I had done in my life. This I thought is genuine stuff, from the heart, something that people will want to read because it's real; something that actually happened and not some sort of fantasy. Unfortunately, I was wrong.

Personally, I find it hard to get involved in fantasy. Maybe it's just me but I just can't. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a cartoon as much as anybody else but it's just when fantasy is concocted up as something that purports to be real, then I just can't get into it. Much of the time a film or a book becomes impossible for me to take seriously since much of the time it's just not plausible. Alright it might be entertaining but it is rarely satisfying. It might be fun but never ever confuse fun with happiness; never. It's actually not the same thing at all. Fun, you will find is superficial, happiness is a much deeper and more fundamental emotion which you may have already discovered, is elusive.

I realised very early on in my life that for most people if not all, we are in pursuit of happiness. We try to make ourselves happy in a myriad of ways and indeed there are so many things to get involved in that you just don't know where to start. We all tend to do it, money, alcohol, sex, ambition the list is endless but all in the pursuit of happiness.

Am I happy? I guess not but through all the things I did and went through, I made a few discoveries along the way that gave me a few clues. It might not be what you want to hear, but for what it's worth I now know why we as a society are not happy. Not that I have the answer of course, no, it's going to be a lot more complicated than that. There are no quick fixes here.

Like you I will have good days and bad days. Sometimes I feel on top of the world but the next day.......maybe not. You just have to make the most of what you got and try not to take life too seriously. Easier said than done. Hope you enjoyed my rant but I feel a bit better for it now even though it might come across as a bit controversial.

Top Autobiographies-Man Down

Top Autobiographies - Man Down

This is an excerpt from my autobiography when a man was "electrocuted" and I "saved" him:

Some of the things I would do to avoid certain situations would be to volunteer for anything going, as long as it wasn’t anything to do with my proper job. I would for instance, volunteer for dining hall party. All this involved was cleaning and setting up the dining hall, washing up and making sure that all the sauces and condiments were full. It was great and gave me a break from the nervous tension I experienced whilst trying desperately to do my normal job. My superiors just thought I was great for volunteering and that’s the irony, I got a really good report.

Of course this was only a temporary reprieve and after the allotted time I was back in the MCO. Things didn’t all go badly, since there were times when a bit of luck would occasionally come my way. I was on the broadcast as usual when one of the electrical engineers began to repair a nearby radio. I took very little notice when all of a sudden he screamed out and began to shake violently from electrical shock. I sprang into action, surprising even myself. Spotting a wooden broom that was close by, I grabbed it and swiftly pushed the poor rating away from the radio. He immediately fell to the floor as I threw the broom to one side. As I was about to feel for a pulse, he suddenly jumped to his feet and walked off. At first I was completely baffled until I heard the applause from the onlookers. It had been an exercise and I had passed with flying colours but I felt annoyed. It had all been a ‘set up’ but nevertheless, I felt a great sense of pride.

If you'd like to read more about my incredibly varied and farcical life, then you can have a free preview here Running For Home

How to write an autobiography - Top Autobiographies

How to write an autobiography - Top Autobiographies

Want to know how to write your own autobiography? I won't pretend that it's going to be easy but it can be done.

I began to write mine over a year ago. I had no training and no professional help to do this either. All I did was to get it all down on the computer and then allow the programme to correct everything including the grammar. Never be put off because you arn't an expert. If you do this, then you will never write it.

The first thing to learn is how to use Microsoft Word on your computer. This realy isn't too difficult and if you are determined enough, then you should have few problems once you get to know where everything is. When you get the settings right the programme will generally look after itself and make corrections as you go along which will inspire confidence.

Punctuation is another matter but don't dispair if you arn't good at this either. You could get a freind or relative to help. Failing this you could always get professional help but this is going to cost a bit. This could be worth it if you feel that you have something to say. Most people acutally do. I did not realise this until I began to write mine. I had not planned to write a book and I did not believe that I had enough knowledge to do it. My motivation for writing was more out of an emotional need to get it all off my chest. This gave rise to an unexpected bonus; I found a form of therapy by writing down my whole life story. It certainly began to give me a sense of achievment and an increase in self esteem.

If you wish to look at an example of an autobiography then you can have a preview of mine; Running For Home